Catching Up

It's been a while since I updated the blog, but then, as this blog will detail, there has been a lot I've not had chance to do.

With University falling straight into working at Hertbeat FM, I haven't actually had the opportunity to catch up with most of my friends in Stevenage. So it was quite nice to do so last Saturday when myself and Kirsty went around a friends house for dinner.

Now it's good to catch up with friends just to firstly hear what they've been up been up to, but also because you forget the truly mental things they say:

Exhibit One: We decided Chinese would be the meal of choice. However, one of my friends turned to her husband and said, "Make sure you keep all the food separate when you dish it up." It turns out that she's always refused to eat an item of food if it's touching another item of food on the plate and that she'll completely eat one item of food before moving onto the next. I thought this was hilarious, mental and a little weird, but another friend piped up that her boyfriend was the same. Now I feel left out. I also thought that they must hate ketchup or any dinner sauce because that ends up coming into contact with everything. Yet this was acceptable, and I was appalled with the hypocrisy of it all.

Exhibit Two: The husband of the food segregator explained his puzzlement of the fact that they brought a fish for their fish tank months ago, and that soon after it had vanished. It was too big to get sucked into the water filter and didn't appear to be anywhere. At this point the food segeregator announced that she had seen the fish and it had died. So attention turned to what had happened to the fish and she announced that when she discovered the fish she was on her way to work and left it in the tank. A disgusted reaction followed, which she countered saying "Well it generates good and bad bacteria."

I didn't know fish could enjoy Yakult.

Driving Lesson Numero Three

It was all going so well, and then I had one of those lessons where you just get all the basic stuff wrong.

A 'highlight' which sums up the lesson. I worked on controlled stops. In the dry runs without the car moving I was generally hopeless, not getting to the pedals quick enough. The rain was absolutely hurling out of the sky which would make the whole experience even more interesting. When it came round to actually doing the controlled stop, I managed it perfectly, stopping the car without stalling the engine. Then as I went to continue driving... I stalled the engine. Anyway the lesson by numbers:

Top Speed: 55mph
Number of times I exceeded the speed limit: Yeah, still not counting this, but it's getting better...
Number of succesful controlled stops: I've forgotten how many we did, but they all went well.
Number of times in the wrong gear: Five
Number of times I stalled the Car: Three
Number of times I swore: Once
Number of occasions where I yelled at other road users: Twice.

I think I wasn't helped with the Driving Lesson by the fact I'd been up since 5:30am to do the Breakfast Travel News. 9 hours later I was trying desperately to avoid making the travel news myself...

Driving lesson numero 2

Top Speed - 60mph
Number of times that I exceeded the speed limit - Not counting...
Number of roundbouts driven round - More than enough for one day
Number of other road users I yelled at - At least three
Number of times I stalled the car - Once
Number of times I swore - Once
Number of times I got the wrong gear - Twice

Terror Phrases

Good news! The UK terror threat level has been downgraded.

Bad news! The people who come up with this stuff are clearly idiots!

A terrorist attack in the UK has gone from 'highly likely' to a 'strong possibility.' I'm sorry, but don't these phrases mean near enough the same thing!!! Highly likely in my books means, it's not definitely going to happen, but there is a good bloody chance. A strong possibility doesn't mean something is definitely going to happen, but there is a good bloody chance. Unbelievable.

In other news, the colour coded warning system has been downgraded from Orange to Tangerine!

Henry Allingham

The oldest surviving serviceman of the First World War, Henry Allingham, died at the age of 113.

His secret to a long life? Was it clean living? Ensuring he lead a helthy lifestyle? Eating five fruit and veg a day?

Nope.

"Cigarettes, whisky and wild women."
Legend.

Coughs and sneezes rapidly increase the shares in hand gel companies

The whole world has gone a bit hygiene mad recently. It's about time really. Apparently as a species, humans evolve to survive. So we've seen throughout the worlds history a number of pandemics, yet still we have to be shown a advert that basically outlines, "If you sneeze in your hand, don't touch people, you grotbag!"

Good hygiene, should essentially be just good sense.

But it can go to far.

Having needed the toilet while in town today, naturally once I finished, I washed my hands. Having dried my hands, I turned to leave and saw a hand gel dispenser (like the ones in hospitals) on the wall. And I thought, what purpose can that serve, I've just washed my hands. But then the fear crept in. After I washed my hands, i pressed the hand drier button. Oh no. That could have had all sorts of germs on it, someone might have sneezed on it (like an advert i frequently see), people will have touched it with their hands (albeit the hands they would have JUST washed). So, I ended up buying into the fear, and used the hand gel dispenser on the wall. Safe at last, I thought, and then I came to the door to leave.

Oh no. That could have all sorts of germs on it....

Driving Lesson One - In numbers (sort of...)

Number of times I swore - None
Number of times the driving instructor swore - None
Number of times I stalled the car - three
Number of times I put the car in fifth, rather than third gear - two
Number of times I pulled up perfectly to a junction - None
Number of times I didn't put on the handbreak properly - Lost count
Number of times I exceeded the speed limit - Hey, who's counting these things
Number of buses that terrified me - three
Number of times I correctly changed gear - More not than often

All in all the instructor seemed impressed for my first lesson, but there is still massive need for improvement. Role on the next lesson on Monday, check out the 'highlights' on the breakfast show tomorrow (Friday)

Day Time TV

Today was one of the first mornings I've had not working on Hertbeat related stuff, and I can safely say that already I missed not going into the studios to work on a variety of different things. Although I didn't emerge from bed until a massively unsociable hour, even that had it's draw backs. I had stuff to get done and getting out of bed rather late messed up my day.



On top of this, a further drawback of having a morning off is that I was stuck with the joy of day time TV. Now, don't get me wrong, for the past three years, I've lived off a horrendous diet of programmes selling homes or people prize possessions at auction. Some of the things I see and hear on these shows drive me mad, particularly the awful puns. But this morning I think I witnessed the crowning glory of naivety.



Cash in the attic - The show format is simple, find some items of value in your house and flog it at an auction house (usually Chiswick, I presume it's convenient for the BBC) to fund a dream event or investment which nearly always amounts to £1000. This morning, the choice of event came from a daughter (or Granddaughter, my full attention was elsewhere) who decided to take her parents/grandparents for a weekend away to visit a stately home as a thank you for supporting her through drama school. Nice sentiment you think, and to be honest everyone seemed to think so to. Apart from the simple fact that the trip was financed entirely from the sale of the parents/ grandparents possessions!! That has to be the worst gift ever! "Here, you go as a thank you for all the money you've wasted in my drama school (Seriously, to add insult to injury, the programme highlighted that the girl had no skill in front of a camera) I'm going to take you for a weekend away. By the way, do you mind if you sell some of your possessions so I can pay for the trip?" Mental



In other news, tomorrow I start driving lessons, Brett Harley, the Hertbeat morning presenter, thinks I look like a caveman and swine flu is coming to get us all.

WARNING

On Thursday, as part of my first challenge for Hertbeat FM's Breakfast show, I will be taking my first ever driving lesson. It starts at 1pm and you have now all be warned...

In other news, Steve was impressed with my first show last night. More so with the fact that I recapped the essential 8 (the best new songs on Hertbeat FM) over the song intro of the number 1. I really shouldn't have told him it was a fluke....

The adventures of the Apprentice continue

It's only been a week since I started the Apprenticeship, but as Steve Folland continues to refer to it, tonight, it starts in earnest. Yeah, I'm not sure I know what he means either. Anyhow, tonight is the first ever airing of Carl's Evening Bit (insert fanfare here). It's my job to play the best new music, pick a record of the week, play you the best bits from my album of the week, and uncover the best local music for the good people listening. And I'll cram in the occasional other random feature here and there for good measure. Tonight sees the introduction of that's a first - want to know more - make sure your listening tonight then between 8pm and 10pm.

The other brilliant thing about this Apprentice steely, is the draw dropping revelations Steve keeps throwing my way. As well as the show, I will be undertaking a series of challenges for the Breakfast team. The first, although a long term one, is learning to drive with the help of Hertbeat. Seriously, I am surprised I didn't actually bruise my chin as it dropped to the desk when Steve informed he live on air. I swear he's going to start growing a big white beard and where a bright red suit if he keeps giving me these amazing opportunities. Keep up to speed, with my driving exploits on the Breakfast show. I'm not the best student in the world, so hilarious consequences should ensue...

Speaking of mental stuff, I went out with my Girlfriend for a meal yesterday evening. Lovely meal, lovely company and over all it was a pleasant evening. However, to accompany our meal we'd ordered a bottle of water (I know, I live wildly) that we were pacing ourselves with, mainly due to a cash flow issue (i.e. I don't have any money flowing in, hence the problem). Part way through the meal, a waiter (ironically poor choice of job title in this case) came over and poured the remainder of the bottle into our glasses. What on earth!!! It would have been our third glass from the bottle so we'd clearly mastered the pouring side of things, but still he felt the need to 'assist.' I know they probably wanted us to buy more drinks, so they make more money, I understand this is how a business has to work. However when we had clearly finished our meal, we waited 30 minutes, and at no point were we offered the bill. I refuse to sit clicking my fingers for the bill as one its rude; and two I'm not American. So essentially it would appear that restaurants can dictate how much they want you to spend. Which is fair enough really, but next to window writing saying "All you can eat" should also be written "All you can spend...please?"

Day Two as an Apprentice

Every things getting fairly intense. Today was a lot shorter, however, than yesterday. The main training today was working with the studio software and getting an idea of how that works. It's one of those things however, that you know you'll mess up live before you get it right. Tomorrow the training steps up another gear as I record a show off air to practice doing a full show ahead of Saturday's four hour beast. It still feels like I'm heading for the deep end, although Hertbeat have kindly provided some arm bands so I don't drown...

And the actual show is just one small aspect in world full of... well, lots of other little aspects. The production and jingles needs to be finished and edited ahead of the end of the week. I need to know how editing the website works. I need to start looking at local bands to come in and do live sessions. I need to pick my album of the week for next week. This I have at least narrowed down however. It's a choice between an a debut artist and a band no one will have heard of, but i really like... decisions!!

There is a lot more stuff than this also to consider, but I appear to have forgotten it which is neither helpful or reassuring.

Aside from Hertbeat FM matters there is the small issue of preparing a 10 minute presentation for Transport for London, which I need to complete for an assessment day... Thursday!! I'm halfway through, but I need to memorise it and prepare slides in what little time I have control over.

I'm starting to lead a double life already.

Enter the world of blogging

I can now add blogging to the list of things that I've finally started up on the wonder of the inter-web. As with everything I take up, I like to give this new fangled stuff a year to work the bugs out before I sign up.

There's an irony there as the reason for starting this blog is that I've got a radio show... playing the best new music! Fortunately, I'm far more daring with my music listening than I am with my willingness to sign up to Internet trends, so this shouldn't be a problem. Unless I have to feature Internet trends...

Anyway, a bit more about how this blog came about. I landed a show on Hertfordhire's local radio station, Hertbeat FM, after winning an Apprentice competition on the Breakfast show. This may sound like a really easy way to get a radio show, but baking 200 promotional cakes (with my Girlfriend), touring every major Hertbeat town (again, dragging my Girlfriend around), organising an assembly in front of 400 kids to promote Bike Week, interviewing Arsenal legend Bob Wilson with just 20 minutes preparation and having to write and sing a parody song (the awful results are avaliable online at http://www.hertbeat.com/) is anything but easy.

So as I start my radioshow on Monday 13th July (is the thirteenth a bad omen?) I thought I'd document the learning process as I doggy paddle my way out of the metaphorical deep end. Then I can use the blog to jot down some witty observations. praise a fantastic bit of music or dangerously expose the inner workings of my mind onto the Internet.

Sound fun? Yeah, keep with me. It'll pick up. Promise.